Fast Food
by SwirlyDragonfly
Summary: Just some drabbles about random fast food places that have FMA characters working at them.
1. McDonalds

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist or McDonalds

**Big Mac Alchemist**

Wanna know why I no longer eat at McDonalds? Well it all started this one time at band camp…

We were on a bus; our destination was some one-horse town, where we'd be putting on a performance for a bunch of old people with no lives. After five hours of being on a cramped bus, some of the younger kids started to complain that they were hungry; so we stopped at the first fast food place we came to. I normally wouldn't go inside, but since I hadn't eaten yet, I had no choice. About an hour later I ordered my food, when I went back out to get on the bus, it was gone.

"This is bad…" I sighed. That's when I saw him, my favorite golden-eyed ochibi-san and his younger brother. Yes, Edward Elric was sitting on a bench at McDonalds and Alphonse was in the ball pit. I decided to go over and ask them why they were there.

"May I sit here?" I asked the elder brother.

"Sure," he said, "nice day isn't it?"

"Yeah but it's hotter than hell, that's the weird thing about New England, our winters are extremely cold and our summers are really hot like this."

He smiled, "You've got a good point there, so, what's your name?"

"My friends call me Haru."

"It's nice to meet you."

"So what brings you to a place like this?"

"We're experimenting," replied Alphonse.

"With what exactly?" I asked

"We're going to find out what's a Big Mac" replied Ed.

He then clapped his hands together and then tapped the big mac; this is what we found inside the sandwich…

- Carpet Lint

- Green Confetti

- Pencil shavings

- Plastic Cheese

- Water based paints

- Two sesame seed buns

I dare not say what's in the "secret sauce"

Ed's Moral of the story

"McDonalds is bad for your health."


	2. Burger King

**The Secret of the Whopper**

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or Burger King

Well since my encounter with Ed I haven't been to McDonalds, so I thought 'hey Burger King probably is better', so I went to the local BK and that's when I learned the truth…

Riza: Welcome to Burger King home of the whopper, may I take your order?

Riza Hawkeye was standing at the register, apparently, the Fuhrer wanted to own a fast food place so that his son could play on the playground. So that gave Colonel Mustangs' department the job of running it…

Haru (if you remember from chp. 1, this is the main character's name): I'll have a cherry ICEE

Riza: small, medium, large, or king size?

Haru: small please, and a whopper jr.; cheese, no onions or mayo.

Riza: That'll be $3.75, your number is 16, your order will be ready in a few minutes.

Haru: thank you

The next thing I heard was a snap, fallowed by a flash; yes ladies and gentlemen, the secret behind the whopper is the flame alchemist.

**OK! For the next chapter I'm going to need some good ideas, just put a fast food/restaurant and a FMA character in the review and I'll work something out - **


	3. Wendy's

Disclaimer: I don't own Wendy's or FMA

**Wendy's**

Well Burger King was good, but nothing beats a refreshing frosty; that's right, I went to Wendy's.

Havoc: Welcome to Wendy's, would you like to try our new Fix 'n Mix Frosty? Do you wanna go out with me?

Haru: Yes and no.

Havoc sighed, rejected again, poor guy TT….

Havoc: Will that be all?

Haru: I think so.

Havoc: Do you have a sister?

Haru: NO!

Havoc: Damn, well that'll be $2.00, what flavor would you like; Oreo, M&M, or Butterfinger?

Haru: M&M

I few minutes I sat at my table, enjoying my sweet frozen treat, when the smell of cigarettes caught my attention and it was coming from the little black pepper packets. Just then I looked over to the register and noticed that Havoc was smoking. I've concluded that the pepper packets aren't safe


	4. Taco Bell

Thank you, for reviewing, I will continue this series of shorts, just keep sending your ideas.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or taco bell

**Taco Bell**

Yay, I love Mexican food, finally a change from all those burgers. Even though it doesn't matter what I eat because in the world of anime, you can eat a ton, and never get any bigger. I mean look at Usagi and Goku! Anyways, going back to the story, I figured out how the Ishbalans have been making money in recent times…

Scar: Welcome to Taco Bell, would you like to try our new Chicken Caesar grilled stuffed burrito.

Haru: Not today, I'd like—

Scar: Are you sure about that?

Haru: huh?

Scar: The burrito

Haru: yeah I'm sure

Scar: they're tasty

Haru: I don't want one.

Scar: Just order it!

Haru: these things aren't selling too well are they?

Scar: No, not really…

Haru: Sounds like a problem

Scar: …so do you want one?

Haru: Sure, why not

I learned something that day, Ishballans can make some decent Mexican food.


	5. Dominos Pizza

Thanks again for reviewing, since it's vacation week I'll be able to write a lot of these .…

Disclaimer: I don't own Dominos Pizza or FMA

**Dominos Pizza**

I called in to place my order for delivery 3 hours ago, which means they screwed up, which means I have to make a personal appearance at Dominos. Which really stinks because I wanted to enjoy my pizza while watching idol at home tonight T-T. There it was, Dominos pizza; I was on a mission, to get my small pineapple pizza and Dots. When I walked in the door, I wasn't at all surprised at who was working the front register; after all, I've already met six other people from FMA…

Winry Rockbell was there, twirling her hair with a wrench and jabbing on the telephone. My guess is she was talking to a guy, since her face was all red and she had a glazed over doughnut face…

"uhh huh…squee, really?... oh my gosh…sure I'll go…Friday night at 8…awesome, ok I'll talk to you then" She hung up, then it took her a few minutes to notice me…

"Oh sorry, didn't see you there, what can I do for you little girl?"

"I'm not little, I'm 15"

"Oh sorry about that, I guess I shouldn't be surprised I have a friend who's about your height."

"I'm taller than Ed you ditz," I muttered, "I came here because my order hasn't been delivered and I called in 3 hours ago." I said in a normal voice.

"Are you sure it was this Dominos, we're always on time."

"I'm sure."

She lifted up a little pad of paper, "Let's see here, who's name is the order under?"

"Haru"

"Oh, whoopsies, you called just before he, I mean the last 'customer' called."

"Riiight, your customer that kept you on the phone for three hours, whatever, I'm going to Pizza Hut…" I walked out the door, well at least maybe now I can get some cheesy crust and watch idol on my friend's tv, after all, she has live tv…


	6. Pizza Hut

Disclaimer: I don't own Pizza Hut or FMA (or KH2)

**Pizza Hut**

Well at least no one was on the phone at this place, I sat down at a table, there was no point in getting it to go since the show ended an hour ago…

The place was deserted, literally, it was creepy…

"Hello, is anyone here?"

"Hold on, I'm coming!"

Oh my god, I knew the voice, but it didn't make any sense. It was Roxas from KH2, working at Pizza hut, something had to be up, I mean he does sorta look like Ed in the corner of the screen, but why Roxas? Then it hit me…

"How can I serve you tonight?"

"You could start by changing back into your real form…"

"How'd you know," he smirked and changed back into his original state, yes people, it was Envy, "You're pretty smart for a human."

"And you're pretty cocky for a pineapple head."

"And you're a stupid bitch!"

"Palm tree"

"Moron"

"aren't you going to take my order?"

"No," he threw the menu at my head, I blacked out, I woke up the next morning in a dark alleyway.

"I guess I should avoid Pizza places for a while…"


	7. Dairy Queen

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or Dairy Queen

**Dairy Queen**

"So then I went to Pizza hut, met Envy, upset him, and wound up in a trash can in some random ally."

"That's rough," said Ed, "do you want sprinkles on that?"

"Sure, I'm surprised Ed."

"About what?"

"You working at a Dairy Queen."

"I thought it was every kid's dream to get free ice cream every day."

"Don't you know what the key ingredient is?"

"umm, ice?"

"I don't want to be the one to disappoint you, why don't you just transmute some like you did with the Big Mac?"

He made a soft served cone, placed it on the ground, clapped his hands together, and screamed in horror…

"OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S THE NASTY WHITE LIQUID THAT COWS SECRETE!"

Then Ed fainted…


	8. Hooters

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, or Hooters

**Hooters**

People say that Hooters has the best chicken wings around (I disagree only because I know of a pub that serves better) but since my friends wanted to go there, I couldn't say no. We waited in line for almost an hour; apparently a lot of guys showed up to see the new waitress.

"Table for four?" said Lust.

"Yes, "replied Aya; I guess you could say she's the self-proclaimed 'leader' of our group.

After we sat down and ordered our drinks I noticed that Lust was defiantly who was bringing the costumers in. She was making some good tips too. I guess there is a place for everyone in this world…

**Thanks for reviewing this chapter, and a special thanks goes out to FullMetalRaven for the idea; now for the continuation of 'Lust at Hooters'….**

"We interrupt our normally scheduled programming to bring you this important message; just recently a large number of teenage boys have gone missing, if you have any information please give us a call at …"

"That's odd." Said Aya.

"Wonder where they all went," said Mia.

Then I looked around the restaurant, "I think I know where all the guys went, just take a look around."

Well you can't help but give Lust some credit, this job was perfect for her, especially considering her, errr, figure. Just then, Gluttony burst through the door…

"LUST LUST, WHERE IS SHE! MY LUST"

All the females in the restaurant pointed to Lust, who was currently being hit on by a collage football player"

"GET AWAY FROM MY LUST!" Gluttony was mad, so he did what he did best, ate all the males that had their eyes on Lust…

Needless to say this cost Lust her job…

"Gluttony is sorry, he just wanted his Lust back…"

"I know Gluttony, its ok; I told Dante I didn't want this job. Actually I've always wanted to be a nail stylist, let's go Gluttony, time to see if any parlors are hiring."


	9. Denny's

Since no one really liked the Hooters one, I guess I'll just move on…

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or Denny's

**Denny's**

"Thanks for coming out to eat with me Haru."

"I'm glad you invited me Alphonse."

Yepp, Al's taking me out to breakfast, it's not a date, so you fan girls out there can put down your pitch forks and torches…

"Hello and welcome to Denny's, please allow me to sea—Alphonse Elric!"

"Major Armstrong, do you work here?"

"Actually I just started last week; after all, waiting tables has been a skill that has been carried down the Armstrong line for generations!"

He flexed his muscles and got us a table.

"Would you like to start off with drinks or are you ready to oder?"

"Haru I'm ready, how about you?"

"Yeah."

"You order first then."

"How cute, young love," the major was in sparkle mode now.

"We're not on a date, we're just friends," Al and I said in unison. But the major was too busy going on about his fist love. Yadda yadda yadda….


	10. Rainforest CAfe

Disclaimer: I don't own Rainforest Café or FMA

**Rainforest Café**

You know that weird feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, when you know something's going to go wrong, but you're not sure what? Well today I had one of those feelings. Ya see, Ed asked me to go out to lunch with him and he wanted to pick the place… at first I was fine with it; I've always wanted to go there, but after we got there, I started to get that weird feeling…

"I've heard that the Rainforest Café is pretty good." Said Ed as he sat down at the table.

"I like the décor; the fishes are a nice touch."

As soon as the words left my mouth, our waiter came, oh boy, this was going to be a LONG meal…

"Welcome to the r—hey I know you, you're the one who called me pineapple head! And you're here with, ochibi-san?"

"I thought you worked at pizza hut, Envy"

"Wait, didn't you tell me he knocked you out and threw you in an alley because you insulted him?"

"Yeah that's right"

"I should'a killed you back then… I could now, but I need the money, so what do you want?"

"We're not sure yet"

"Why not get the shrimp, or would that be considered cannibalism to a pipsqueak like you?"

"You bastard, I'm going to give you a knuckle sandwich"

"Bring it on shorty"

Needless to say a fight broke out, Ed and I were kicked out and Envy got fired, what a day…


	11. KFC

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or KFC

**KFC**

"I can't believe that Master's making me work here with you." Complained Envy, "I mean why can't Lust work here with you?"

"Because Master is making her work at Subway…"

"And why can't you work there?"

"Subway told Lust that only skinny people work there…"

"Oh… guess you don't fit the 'eat fresh' requirement"

Gluttony just stared down at the floor, poor guy… That's where I came in…

"Well if it isn't my favorite pest," said Envy.

"Well if it isn't my favorite palm tree?"

"Don't you know how to cook? Why are you always eating out?"

"Well I'm actually supposed to be meeting someone here; he said he has a job for me."

"I'm so happy for you; please excuse me while I gag."

"Screw you Envy." I took a seat at an empty booth.

"Aren't you going to order something?"

"NO way, you'd spit in it anyway…"

"Damn she was on to me…"

Just then Greed walked in.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Excuse me miss, are you Haru?"

"Yes I am"

"Hey don't ignore me!"

"You're the one who wants to work as a waitress at my club, right? Well do you have any experience?"

"How about the fact that she eats out once a week, it's a wonder she isn't fat."

"I swear Envy one more thing and I'LL kick your ass."

"Geez Greed do you have to be such a stiff? Besides I could take you on."

"IS that a challenge, sheman?"

"Oh it's on now!"

"Envy I'm hungry!"

"Why don't you eat the girl? That'll be one less pest for me to deal with."

As soon as Envy said that I ran, a couples days later I was walking by KFC, the building was completely destroyed…

"I guess Envy got fired… again"


	12. Popeye's

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or Popeye's

**Popeye's**

"I know you'll like it here Haru-chan, they've got better chicken than KFC."

"Mia-chan, don't even mention that horrible place again…"

"Sorry I forgot about your arch nemesis."

When we got to the front counter, we met yet another familiar face. The Fuhrer King Bradley…

"Welcome to Popeye's, so kid's what'll it be?"

Hmm this guy seemed normal, unlike the rest of the guys I've met, and best of all, Envy was no where in site!

"I'll have the chicken deluxe."

"And I'll have the crispy fish basket."

Things seemed to be going normal for once, that is, until Mae's Hughes showed up…

"Hello there girls, these come as an added prize to your meals, " he handed us both little trading cards with Elysia on them. Mia and I sat down.

"So Haru, what does your card say, I got the tricycle edition."

"I got the Super-deluxe special swimsuit edition with mommy's hat on."

"What's the super deluxe mean?"

Hughes popped up, "It means that your friend here gets another special prize, a private screening of Elysia's 3rd birthday party, oh I remember it like it was yesterday, Barney was there. And we had ponie rides, oh you're just dying to see it aren't you? Well I won't keep you waiting then!"

That was the most horrifying experience I'd ever had, three hours locked in a room watching movies and listening to Hughes go "aww isn't she adorable!" By time I got out of there, Mia had already left and my sandwich was cold…


	13. Panda Dynasty

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or any Chinese restaurants

**Panda Dynasty**

TGIF, its Chinese food night!

"Welcome to Panda Dynasty, please fallow me," said Sloth.

She led me to a small table in the back, left, and then Wrath came out with the tea.

"Your tea, miss."

"Thank you, it's funny, you look a lot like Envy, but you're nothing alike."

"Don't even mention that jerk."

"I see we have an enemy in common, don't tell me he works here."

"No, mommy wouldn't let him because he isn't good for business."

We chatted for a little while, until the wonton soup came and Wrath needed to get back to work. At least I didn't have to worry about palm trees and pictures here. The meal went over smoothly, but there's one thing I'm curious to know, why were Sloth and Wrath running a Chinese restaurant?


	14. Braums

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or Braums

**Braums**

The girl behind the counter at Braums was small and rather meek looking. Her nose was planted in a book; which was alright since the place was empty anyway…

"umm excuse me miss?"

"Huh, what?" Sheiska looked up, "Oh I'm so sorry, I hope I didn't keep you waiting, hold on just a second!"

She went to place her bookmark inside her novel, but ended up dropping it instead. Then she hit her head while she was getting up after picking it up.

'_What a clutz' _I thought.

"Ouch, ok hun what can I get for you?"

"Just a Jalapeno jack cheeseburger."

"Alright then, let's see, how do I work the register? Ummm ohh, let's see, if I push this… oh no that's wrong, oh how about this button? Oh yay it worked. Your order will be ready shortly."

About five minutes later I smelt burning in the kitchen, and watched poor Sheizka use a fire extinguisher to put my burger out. Guess they call it "hot" for a reason…


	15. Chucky Cheese

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or Chucky Cheeses

**Chucky Cheese**

Guess what people, I have a younger brother! His name is Pazu and today is his birthday; unfortunately he's having it at chucky cheeses --0.

When we arrived there, there were screaming kids all over the place…

"Well at least there is a bright side to all this, arcade games." I was playing Jurassic Park when suddenly, that damn rat pushed me out of the game! "Hey watch it!"

"It's been a while, Haru"

"Oh god…"

There was a flash of light and then the rat was replaced with a palm tree. "Nice disguise eh?"

"I see you're back in the pizza business, you damn palm tree. Are you some sort of weirdo-cross-dressing-stalker?"

"Watch your mouth, stupid teenager."

"Stupid drag queen"

"Ugly"

"Flamboyant bastard"

"Oh it's on now"

"Come and get me" I grabbed the plastic gun from the game, our fight lasted for about 10 minutes, at that point there was nothing left of the ballpit playground and Envy got the pink slip…


	16. FINALE

Disclaimer: I don't own Hostess or FMA

**Hostess Cup Cake Factory**

Hey there everyone, Haru here, well I've stopped eating out and start actually cooking for myself. Not to mention last week I went to a Sonic for a smoothie, and fricken Envy was there!

Flashback

"Hello welcome to Sonic, HOLY SHIT TI'S YOU!" Envy screamed.

"Yeah it's me, got a problem with it?"

"As a matter of fact I do you stupid chibi-girl!"

"Chibi-girl? Wow that's real original," I rolled my eyes and said sarcastically.

"Why don't you just die and got to hell already?"

"Why don't you stop dressing in drag?"

"Go jump off a bridge!"

"Go screw yourself she-man!"

End flashback

Needless to say, Envy really got pissed, and I have the black eye to prove it. So putting that aside, today's our class trip; the hostess cupcake factory. And guess what! It seems that the people from Amestris were working in more than just fast food services. Hoenheim of light was the manager of the cupcake factory.

"Hello, welcome to the factory, please have a free sample of our newest concoction."

"This is good, what's it called?"

"Hohos"

Yepp, he's conceited….

**Well that's the end of fast food, hope you all liked, if people liked Haru I can make other kinds of stories with her, just review or send me a message. One idea I have is FMA guys in the work force. Tell me what you want to see and I'll try it. Later tatters!**


End file.
